All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
