Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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