Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
