If i come over, it means nothing
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
