evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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