Swine flu. Run for my life!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
