dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
