I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Even my vagina gasped.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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