If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
