Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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