Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My vagina just recognized that song.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
