i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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