idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
