Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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