Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
