New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
