yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
