There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
