i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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