I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm like, not good at living.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
