Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
