I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize