i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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