I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
