i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
