just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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