Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
