I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I deserve this hangover.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
