even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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