I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
