Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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