there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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