saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
