Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
