i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
