:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
