So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
