i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize