I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
