literally had 100 drinks last night.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
