wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize