if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
