And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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