if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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