Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
