Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
