How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
