My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
