well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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