I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
