I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
