Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
