Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
