your parents love me but you hate me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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