fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
