best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
