I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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