I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
