as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
