His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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