This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
