Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
