discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I had your ass I would rule the world
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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