I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
