Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
